Jeff is a gamer. His wife, Jane, saw a game she thought he'd like. So while out running errands she stopped by the game store and made the purchase. When Jeff came home from work later that afternoon, he found the game sitting on the counter with a note from Jane saying, "Thought you would like this! Love you!" Jeff went to the bedroom where Jane was folding laundry and said, "Thanks for the new game," and then walked outside to care for the lawn. Jane stood there stunned. She expected Jeff to be thrilled with this gift and thankful that she was thinking of him. She expected him to draw her into a warm embrace and shower her with love.
Scott came home from work to find his wife Sally exhausted from a day of chasing toddlers and doing laundry. She looked tired and worn out. He noticed she hadn't started dinner yet, so he glanced at the calendar to see she had planned spaghetti. He decided to start a pot of water to boil and brown the meat. As he finished dinner and called the family to come eat, he waited for Jane to swoon seeing he had made dinner for her. Yet, as she sat down to eat, all she said was, "Thank you for making dinner." A simple sentence compared to what he anticipated.
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In both of these scenarios, a spouse was attempting to do something special for their mate. While their mate appreciated what they did and said those two words, thank you, it wasn't the expected outcome. Was Jeff wrong to not act more excited over a gift given? Was Jane wrong for not melting at her husband's act of service? No. Why? They appreciated the gestures, however, it wasn't what fills their love tank. It wasn't their love language.
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