Your Tone of Voice Through the Screen

Email. Text. Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. The list goes on. I love it all! I love emailing, texting and social media {would that be social media-ing?}. But over the many years of using these outlets, I've learned one big lesson.

We cannot possibly hear the tone of voice or know the attitude it is presented with through a screen.

I've had more conversations than I care to count where I read something and took it wrong because I read it with the tone of voice and attitude that I assumed was being portrayed, even if it wasn't. I've sent messages that were wrongly received because the recipient read the tone of voice and attitude incorrect. My husband is currently dealing with this very thing over email. He read something probably in the tone it was not sent. Then he replied and it was read it the tone that it was not sent. And it just goes on and on.

It damages relationships. It hurts feelings. It causes bitterness. I've lost friends over this very thing. Sometimes due to my mistake and sometimes not. And sadly, often times when a relationship is damaged, it is too hard to fix.

Photo Credit

How can we be careful to project the right attitude and tone of voice through a screen?

• Be careful not to use all caps. This is known as yelling. Only capitalize what needs to be capitalized.
• I use smileys. A lot. :) It may annoy some people and some may think it's 'girly' or unprofessional. But I do it anyway. I want people to know that I am smiling when I am talking to them.
• Reread your message. Reread it several times even! If possible, have someone else read it. I often will have my husband, mom or 17 year old read something to make sure it sounds ok. Sometimes I get the thumbs up and sometimes I'm told it sounds rude. If someone close to you says it sounds rude to them, likely it will to the recipient too.
• Be careful not to be condescending. We all know what this is and how it sounds. Be careful not to do this. There is no reason for it. Ever.
• Read received messages without a tone or attitude. I struggle with this one sometimes. Don't jump to conclusions and read the message as if the person is attacking you. Try to read it void of emotion.
• You are in control of you. I told my husband this just today. You cannot control what someone says or how they say it to you. But you can control what you say and how you say it to them.
• Damage control. If someone is hurt or upset by something you've said, pray first, then fix it immediately. That may mean you need to humble yourself and apologize, even if it is their fault for taking it wrong. Don't let your relationship slip away over a misunderstanding or miscommunication.
• Remember that not all things should be done over text, email or social media. There are just times when face to face or a phone call is best. Especially if it is a serious issue or a complicated issue. You can hash things out and deal with it without the back and forth and without risk of being misunderstood. If you need to talk with someone, it's best to just ask if you can call them or meet together. If someone sends you a message and you feel attacked, your reply needs to simply be, "Can we meet together to talk about this?"

What are other ways you are careful to project the right attitude and tone of voice through a screen? Have you had relationships damaged by this very thing? Share in the comments!

Linking with:
Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday